So, I got an email from someone. I won’t really disclose much about that but the main issue here is this person asked me a general question, it could be taken literally but obviously there is a deeper meaning to it.
Am I lost, lil?
That’s what she asked me, but I was just slapped with the same question I ask myself almost every day. Am I lost?! Hell, I don’t even know if I am going in the right direction. What am I doing? That’s just the mystery of life. You just never know where you’re going to end up. But I know one thing, whatever happens, make sure you do something you like, something you really love. Don’t let others decide what you got to do, make your own decisions or you will forever be asking yourself if you’re lost.
Then the next problem arises. What do I like? What do I love? Great! Another freaking problem, more questions. So you see, life is just a big huge board game, roll the dice, make your move, you’ll either land somewhere favorable or you’ll land up somewhere unfavorable. It all depends on how you deal with both instances. Some of us may just move on like zombies trying to get through the day, some of us will become hard assholes and use rudeness to show everyone that, “Fuck yeah, we’re strong, nothing can bring us down!” but come on, whom are you kidding? The fact that you’re being so rude to people shows how much in denial you are about what’s going on in your life, then we have those who commit suicide, those who just end it…those who gave up.
When I hear about people who suicide, I get angry, I feel annoyed, I feel like they’re pathetic, I feel like they are really stupid and they shouldn’t be pitied. I am a heartless bitch, yeah? Well, I guess I am after all. But I just don’t understand how a person can give up their life. How can they give up the game, this big board game? I feel like, taking your own life is similar to murder. The unfair part is we can’t even punish you for killing yourself. But then again when you begin to think about it, someone told me that maybe they lost their passion, I believe she is right, they lost their passion to live. But I am still not convinced. HOW can you just throw it all away and leave the many people who care about you behind on purpose? It just shows how selfish you are that it was very easy for you to leave behind your family and friends. Apart from that, you may even cause another person to feel responsible therefore making that person question their whole life! Sure, I don’t want to blame the person for halting their life for a useless reason, perhaps according to them, they could’ve saved you but things happened the way it happened and you didn’t allow yourself to be saved! It’s nobody’s fault but you!!! Yes I agree! I am heartless! -.- I just can’t seem to find myself to look at it from thier point of view. I don’t get it, I don’t get how can certain issues bring you to end your life.
For those who remained after a love one took their own life by force. I just wanted to try to plant in your heads that, it isn’t your fault, there is NOTHING you could’ve done, nothing at all! They made their decisions; you don’t have to throw away your whole life because of that decision. Now if someone died naturally or by a murder then I won’t really rant a lot, it’s just that I am very sensitive when it comes to the topic of suicide.
Now coming back to the topic, Am I lost? Yes, you are lost. We are all lost. That’s why we’re going through life and everyday is bringing us new challenges, new hopes, new friends, new light, new tears, new heartaches, new broken glasses and new opportunities. Try not to give up until you find yourself, till then, keep asking yourself that question, am I lost? The moment you can’t think of an answer, maybe you aren’t lost anymore, maybe you’re just right where you’re supposed to be.